A formula for love?

A few weeks ago, one of my favorite podcasts re-ran an episode, To Fall in Love, Do This (episode 30 of Modern Love). It’s an incredible story, and after listening I decided to pull up the set of questions from the original NY Times article.

To be clear, I’ve been married for 15 years, but I was curious if any of these questions would provide surprising revelations during an upcoming date night. So last Friday, I pulled the list up on my phone as I sat across from my husband during date night (side note: as per my last article, we’ve discovered that happy hour is a super cheap date night!).

These questions are structured to increase intimacy between two strangers. I was truly hoping that I would know most of my husband’s answers – and I did. But we still had several ah-ha moments as we worked through the list. These moments came more from why we answered the questions the way we did.

For example, this question made for an interesting conversation:

If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

My answer: A tie between a fast metabolism (being able to eat anything I want and not gain weight) and liking animals. I think that the metabolism one is self-explanatory (dessert at every meal!!!) but the animal one my husband was truly puzzled by.

My husband knows I don’t like animals (never have…I blame it on getting bit by a swan at a very young age) because when we were engaged I made it clear to him that I would never be okay with having a pet. Yes, I do find it interesting that I felt so compelled to discuss the pet situation with him instead of talking about whether or not we wanted children (we sorted that out later). However, every single one of my friends has a dog that they dearly love. I wish I could at least like their dogs. I try to like their dogs to be a good friend, but I just don’t get why people have pets.

So I would use that one wish to be more of an animal person so that I could relate to 90% of the people in my life. My husband found that hilarious – and I can recognize the humour in it.

Another question that sparked a fantastic debate:

If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year old for the last 60 years of your life, what would you want?

I encourage you to download the questions from this article and use them on your next date night or talk through them with a really good friend. And use these with caution on someone you are just getting to know J

You can download the 36 questions and podcast episode here.

Let me know what insights you gained while answering these questions with a partner!


Pssst…I’ve got a free cheat sheet for you! To grab your Secondhand Therapy two-page cheat sheet, 5 Steps to a Big Decision, just enter your info below. These five steps work really well for smaller decisions, too!