A formula for love?

A few weeks ago, one of my favorite podcasts re-ran an episode, To Fall in Love, Do This (episode 30 of Modern Love). It’s an incredible story, and after listening I decided to pull up the set of questions from the original NY Times article. To be clear, I’ve been married for 15 years, but […]

Do your spending habits align with what’s important to you?

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Over the past few years, the Secondhand Therapy community has explored the idea of managing our energy as a precious resource. Ideally, the way we spend our energy aligns with our personal values. Since last summer, I’ve been focused on managing another precious resource (MONEY!) and how it relates to my values.   Learning about […]

It’s okay to stop trying to fix your life…

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Have you ever noticed how quickly life seems to go downhill when you’ve lost your mental buffer? Maybe it’s a physical pain (backache, headache, etc.) or exhaustion or emotional circumstances. You are just trying to get through the day, but things keep piling up. You find yourself snapping at your spouse or kids. You have […]

Why I no longer feel guilty about doing less.

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“You cannot get your middle-aged childhood back.” – Anne Lamott Last week, Anne Lamott spoke at Emerging Women Live 2016 about the importance of rest. She reminded us that we need to practice “the divine sacrament of the plop” – of stopping to do nothing on a regular basis. That’s a big stretch for most […]

What’s more important: serenity or spider veins?

serenity-or-spider-veins

  Exactly one year ago, I saw Dr. Jane Goodall speak in San Francisco. She was dressed simply, in black pants and a large printed scarf, with her hair pulled back in a ponytail. She was beautiful. When she entered the room, she was given a standing ovation. Her response? “I’m just me.” I was […]

Whose opinion matters?

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No matter what your background, we all have that same memory from our childhood. That time where we were proud of something…until someone made fun of us. When I was in grade 6, I remember saving my money up so I could buy a pair of pink high-top Converse sneakers. I loved those shoes. But […]

Who deserves the best version of you?

who-deserves-your-best-self

A few years ago, my husband told me, “Not everyone deserves 100% Jill.” I was surprised by his statement. What he was trying to point out to me gently, is that by insisting on giving everyone 100% of my attention and energy, it was taking away from my ability to be the wife I wanted […]

You Are Not Responsible for Other People’s Emotions

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As published in Tiny Buddha, August 11th, 2016   “Rather than being your thoughts and emotions, be the awareness behind them.” ~Eckhart Tolle “I don’t believe you,” I jutted out my chin like a petulant toddler. Collapsing back into the tufted leather loveseat, I conceded, “I want to believe you, but I can’t.” My therapist […]